Wednesday Thoughts

Art studio, Kendra Castillo abstract artist.

Typing up this blog post feels like opening up an old journal and trying to play catch up for a thousand things that have happened. So like ripping off an old band aid, I thought I would just jump right in, not overthink it too much and just share some of whats been going on lately. 

When I started blogging over 6 years ago it became my source for a creative outlet since I was in the middle of college and newly married, moved to a new state and was trying to get my footing. 

As an introvert, typing out my words and hitting "publish" never felt terrifying to me for some reason. At first it was just my family following a long and commenting on my little DIY's and the things I found inspiring or the recipes we were making. Then over the years things changed, I learned a lot (hello seo & coding), plus I loved this community of people! I like to think that my process and approach to this platform matured over time. (well I can actually say that confidently... look at this post!)

Over these past few years of doing my artwork full time I realized that I wasn't sharing my thoughts on this platform. This place used to be safe zone. A place to create, to share and to document life, but lately I have let this take the back burner for Instagram sharing and good old fashion paper journals. 

But a part of me has missed documenting life here. I miss the freedom of my fingers on the keys writing what is on my heart and sharing the ups and downs of learning to run a business, creating content and trying to grow personally all at the same time. 

My word for the year. 

Every year I pick a word that I feel is something that I want to use as a sort of guide for the upcoming 12 months. I try not to put too much time or pressure on it, just pick the first word that usually pops into my head and then I journal a bit about it. 

This year my word was "Restore." After a few really challenging years I knew that personally it was time to dig deep and grow.

I always want to laugh looking back at simple moments like this one, because it's already a few months past and I feel like a totally different person. It's like deep down a part of me was finally ready to acknowledge my personal dissatisfaction and was ready to tackle the deep trenches of personal growth. It also seemed that I started hearing podcasts and reading books that all triggered areas within myself that needed a little (a lot) of TLC. 

Time to grow

I guess as I'm writing this to say that life is messy. Growing up and maturing in areas that you've let go unattended isn't easy. I am definitely a major work in progress and I suppose I sort of hope always am, but one this is for certain... 

I'm learning how to be a better business woman, I'm learning what it looks like to set personal boundaries and identify what I need as an individual. I'm learning that I some of the deepest desires I have absolutely terrify me and thats a good thing. To accomplish them requires me to face soooo many fears head on. 

I'm also writing this to say that I want you to know you are not alone. If you are feeling overwhelmed by life. By a task. By whatever it may be. I wan't you to know that you have a cheerleader on your side (me!). Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Only you can know the life that you are truly desiring to live. Only you know your biggest dreams and the fears that may be holding you back. 

But after months of looking inward I feel like I'm finally at a place were I can embrace the chaos and see it as a beautiful thing.