I have always said that this place would be a place of honesty and transparency. I feel nervous even right now as I type these words out.
I think that everyone has some areas of their lives that they keep to themselves, I'm not talking about secrets or dark terrible things, but rather things that are so personal they don't want to share them with anyone else. Exposing these things would be like being stripped to the core and asked to stand in a crowd. You may be wondering, what crazy secret is she about to share?
My answer: I am an artist.
These few simple words feel like me being stripped to the core and being asked to share my deepest parts with the world. As an artist I am sharing my heart, my story, my interpretation of life.
As a child and even into my adult years I was extremely shy, I didn't talk much, I didn't share my thoughts or feelings. Sometimes not expressing myself left me feeling very frustrated and misunderstood. At a young age I was always coloring and exploring nature. Being outside felt freeing, exploring nature and seeing new texture and colors gave me freedom. I didn't have to find words to explain things, I could just enjoy the world around me.
Jump ahead a few years, I remember being at home struggling with some early teenage inner turmoil (like many of us). I remember this moment so clearly... I walked over, picked up a canvas, brushes, paint and began to create my first art piece that felt like a piece of who I was. There wasn't a set goal to the painting, I was free to express myself in colors and texture, to tell my story on a blank canvas. To share a piece of my deepest self.
This has been my story with art & with any story there is a journey of exploration, joyous highs & deep lows.
My paintings have shown my highs and my lows, but there came a point about 4 years ago that I picked up my paintbrushes less and less. Looking back I see why that was. I was afraid to share myself, I was unsure of my place in this world and I didn't have anything to paint. I hit the pause button on this part of my life. I did find ways to express myself and share pieces of my heart. Blogging became that little sliver of venerability in my life. If you have been around for a while than you have seen the areas of growth and struggle during the past 5 years. But as much as I love writing I have been feeling this area of restlessness. It was that deep part of my being wanting to be set free again,
Slowly I recognized my need to pick back up my brushes.
I have been painting for clients, I have been creating for me, I have been painting just for fun, I found an amazing community of artist that encourage creativity and not competition. Each time I pick up my brush I feel like the part of me that I hit "pause" on is coming back to life. My perspective is different, my approach has changed, but the biggest thing that has changed is that if you were to ask me to define who I am.
My answer would be, I am an artist.
This may seem strange and a little obvious but for me it wasn't. Remember when I said "I think that everyone has some areas of their lives that they keep to themselves," painting was that for me. I never really felt ready to share the work that I was creating. Looking back I can see the hesitation in my brushstrokes.
I know that this is just the beginning of something new, my creative journey will continue to grow and develop just like with any skill, but I can approach this season with a new confidence. If you are reading this then know you have a huge part to play in this whole journey, you have encouraged me to continue to be vulnerable and brave, to share my story and be the call out the artist that went into hiding a while back.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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Hope you have a great weekend!