it's a daily battle

I find that the past few years have been filled with different kinds of disappointment. I say disappointment because in life I have made some sort of expectation for how it should be. I have been disappointed because I have forgotten to seek God for direction and clarity in the moments when I felt lost. In return I created a personal expectation to fill that void.

There has been so many changes in my life that I have struggled to find peace in the mist of it. Change isn't a bad thing, for me is shows me where my true devotion lies. I am a bit of a control freak, yes I'm working on it... but it doesn't come easy. I see that in some instances I fall flat on my face and seek the Lord to guide me and help me feel some sense of normalcy. When I do this the result is a complete sense of peace, but if I'm going to be honest, which is the whole point... I unintentionally find myself attempting to create a sense of control. The result is disappointment and confusion. 

Most of the time it leads to me questioning who I am and what my purpose is. So I fill this void with overachievements. Like making sure the house is in order, creating a meal that my husband raves over, or making sure that my grade doen't drop one percentage. I will fail at all of these things, why... because all of these things really dont matter. What matters is that I see my weakness and then look to the Father to speak truth into my life. He tells me where to invest my time.. that it is ok that I forget to fold the laundry for a week.. that my house is a mess. These things are all temporary. If I forget to live in the moment and find the things that really matter, like LOVING my husband... does a cleanliness really matter? No, I have to remember that my need to control is showing me my overwhelming need to rely on the Father. He is the center of everything. Why is it that that simple concept is so easily forgotten?

But the best part about it is that I can see my struggle and be reminded about how great my God is. He loves me and simply smiles at me because I have now, in my weakness sought after Him once again. It brings him so much joy to know that I will fall back on Him over and over again.  

These images are from India where I lead a team for 

2 months overseas while working with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). 

These were time of struggle but to see the joy in the children's faces made all the difference. 

All they needed was LOVE.