GROWING... IT'S A PROCESS

Today I'm taken aback at how quickly life can change when you choose to say "yes" to things 

that used to scare you. I have always been someone who is afraid of change, not just a change in routine but crippled by the unknown. Most people would say that I am a confident person and if 

they have been in my life for a while and seen me walk through some of my hard times, they might say 

that I look fear in the face and jump right in to my mess. 

I was talking to Marcus the other day and he said something that has had me thinking. He said

"sometimes the things that we are truly great at (ment to be our areas of strength) tend to be the things we struggle with the most." This hit me hard, I have always been a timid person when it really comes 

down to everyday things. Marcus was so surprised when we got married and all these insecurities started coming out. 

For example, calling the bank... this would cripple me and my thoughts would go something like this: 

- what if they ask me a question I don't have the answer to

- I don't want to sound stupid

- I've never done this before I dont know what to do 

- I don't even have my account number memorized so how 

is that going to look? 

-What if I dont understand the question they ask me. 

- I dont know the questions to even ask to solve my problem 

- I'd rather just pay a fee than call and talk to someone

All of these questions would race through my mind in a matter of seconds until I finally convinced myself that I can just put it off.. or never even make that call. This anxiety of what people think or my inability to communicate crippled me in regards to the things I wanted to do or people I wanted to meet. this area has prevented me from truly being free and experiencing life to the fullest. 

I will say that over the past few weeks something has shifted. I can't really put a finger on why or when. But one day in the middle of taking care of transferring schools and job stuff.. and just life in general. I realized I wasn't scared anymore. I could pick up the phone and get a question answered without breaking out into a sweat. I could confidently go into an interview knowing questions to ask and if I didn't have an answer I didn't need to be afraid of what someone would think when I simply said "I don't know." 

There is something beautiful in the process of life and growing up. I hope I never loose that sense of wanting to grow. To allow the people around me to speak truth and help me see that my insecurities are nothing to be afraid of. I can see where I'm at and where I want to be. And somehow in the process the things that used to hinder me no longer have a hold on me... and I can breathe.

* dont forget to enter my Art Giveaway if you haven't already