"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander 

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior"

This SONG has stilled my heart and reminded me about what my hearts deepest desire is. 

To trust my God in everything, through everything. 

In the good, the bad, in the moments were my very being is being challenged. 

I want to look to the Lord and be stilled.

All fear silenced, every lie, insecurity, anxiety

To trust and let go of the things that have me forgetting about the things that really matter and the life and friends that I have been given. 

To see the goodness of my Savior. 

I have been thinking about the person that I want to be. Wondering what people take away after they are with me. I know my failures and the areas that I do not like about myself, but instead I want to be someone who is enjoyable to be around. To refresh and encourage. I want to do this with my husband, my family, my friends, strangers. I want this to become an interracial part of who I am. I don't want to take the pain/struggles of my life and reflect that hurt on other. But instead find healing and hope and reflect that joy and life in everything that I do. Hurt and struggle come because we live in a would with people, and people have free will and are messy. But we all have a choice on how to respond to that pain and hurt. I am challenged by this and find myself reflecting on my own attitude and responses. I tend to "word vomit" all over those who are closest, and sometimes the thing I need to do is go be alone. 

Grab my notebook, some music or just a quiet place to cry out to the Lord everything that is on my heart. And when I do this my response to people and situations are so much different than when I bottle up my emotions and hurt and try to cope on my own. You would think that time after time of failing I would understand this by now. But I'm stubborn and I still find it hard to rely on the Lord when I feel weak and out of control. However, it's in those moments when I need him the most. So this is my reminder, my desire. To put my trust in the Lord, to make my longing for a life with the Lord overwhelming, so that it blinds my selfish desires.