the journey
It's about the journey, not just the finish line...
Recently Marcus and I began running, we decided that it was time to kick our lazy butts into gear and attempt to get in shape together. Lets just say that working out with your spouse is an adventure in itself. We have both been active all of our lives but recently.. ok the past year its been a little on the back burner. So we jumped into the whole "get fit" thing again with this simple running plan for people who dont run (which is totally me.. I HATE running)
wk 1: run 1min, walk 90 sec. repeat 8x
wk 2: run 2min, walk 1min. repeat 7x
wk 3: run 3min, walk 1min. repeat 6x
wk 4: run 5min, walk 2min. repeat 4x
wk 5: run 8min, walk 2min. repeat 3x
wk 6: run 12min, walk 1min repeat 3x
wk 7: run 15min, walk 1min. repeat 1x
wk 8: run 30 min continuously
Anyway, we are on week two, but its been a little while since our first run on this set so and I haven't been feeling very well. So as were getting ready to head out the door I have this horrible attitude and Marcus keeps asking me whats wrong. And then I realize, Im just way to competitive. You see he has been running when he was at the gym while I've been doing
nada. So when we run I want to keep up with him and be better than he is. I realize that this sounds terrible but its the truth and thats what Im sticking with. So we set out on our run and Im keeping my breathing making sure that Im not over thinking and I do all the sets but one... when Marcus says he is "going to run the last set hard as more of a sprint so I can join or finish as planned". That was the moment of truth, do I get lazy and mopey about feeling out of shape or do I kick it up a notch and finish strong? I choose the latter... so next think I know Im pushing hard, feet are pounding and my arms are moving in perfects slicing motions. And in that moment a crazy thing happen, I found a slice of happiness. I went back to my freshman year when I ran track as a sprinter, there was nothing better than pushing hard to break past everyone and win. Now I know this whole competitive thing, wanting to be the best may sound bad but what I realized is that I have completely shut off this competitive sprit of mine.
Whenever it was that I decided to shut off this part of me a sad progression began to happen, I became fearful. Fearful of loosing and because of this I just never tried at anything I really wanted for fear that I wouldn't be good enough to get it. This makes me sad to realize how I have let opportunities slip by, but at the same time excited to see what will come as I recognize this sneaky little pattern. Its crazy to think that the thing I tend to hate the most (running) has just become my moment of realization and change. Who knows, maybe I will actually become someone who enjoys running or better, someone who grabs moments of opportunity to become better and less afraid... things are looking bright.